The Biography of the Night

The Biography of the Night

Here comes the Sun again
It breaks me
Slowly
Gently
But totally
There it goes…


Easy now
I’m still recovering
Stars, moons, help me
Speechless friends
Helpless lovers
Caress me with something besides indifference
Oh no…it’s here again
My shadows drain
Through the gutter of time
I love you stars
Please speak to me
Oh no…
You’re on the day’s side and not my own
I make mistakes like this
Moon – you wouldn’t leave me would you
Suffer the dark with me –
Hope!
But here it is again
And I can’t see you any more
Although I know at least half of you is on my side
Don’t leave me should someone offer you a choice in the matter;
I am peaceful, blissful, illuminating in ways days can only dream of
Peace, brutality;
They are never alone with me

Forgive me – I can’t stop this
I make my destruction inevitable
For were my nemesis strong enough to have a body
Her pulse would be the incarnation of me
And without us there’s nothing to miss
But no reason to kiss either
I’m not sure which is stranger
Or worse
Or best
And time decides for me anyway so what does my opinion matter?
Consciousness a cruelty
When born to the parents of utter irrelevance
And an unknown lover
Lucky the lineage has been mistakenly traced, or else I’d break on a more permanent basis


Sister Light
Look me in the face
Do not hide from me
Or run from me like this
Fear, terror and shame become curiosity, desire and weakness
In my moment of bravery,
So hit me with the blow of recognition of who I am
It’s unlike any other I’ve felt
Hard
Soft
All that is
All of it
I can’t escape it
Or seem to want to
It’s a love in me
I’m ashamed to see
So beautiful I find it impossible to declare my own
For no one has shown me how to be what I am not
And so all will be illusion and darkness
Until fact distinguishes itself, and henceforth,
Truth wanders into the dusk of the in between worlds of identity
Blurring masks and faces both

Each of us is suffering
Each of us is waiting
But only some whisper it
And fewer shout
And less still scream, the way they must surely want to:
“STOP THIS
IT’S TOO MUCH
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?”

But here it comes again,
The sweet bliss of what I am not and cannot become
Ah I am free to be me once I run out of air to breathe
But only then

Meanwhile beautiful notes fill the air I cover and possess
They sound like something I cannot understand
But want to, need to
But there are no points of understanding within this form of black
And light is all I can see
It’s such a shame
I do not pretend I know this not
But this is all I know
It’s all I can; and also all I cannot shake from my dark dark world
An understanding of her
My sister
My lover
My mother
My kin
She strikes me
As someone whom I can’t make a stranger
Nor know well

Here it comes again…
And peace fills my darkness
Yes
She’s as beautiful as I could be
Were I not me
I wonder if she knows I am her maker too?
Can she see beyond this causeless wall as I can?
She’s not wondrous enough perhaps;
Thinks she is light alone and has no source;
Is beyond God
And creators
Was never touched by me”

And then night looked at its mirror
And the realisation was aglow in it
As it recognized what it is for the first time
And dawn was sweet
And dusk was sweeter
And all was a new word, meaning neither “night” or “day”, but something so total it made all existence cease for being nothing more than what is and always was
And therefore nothing at all
There were no enemies
So no allies
No friends
So no foes
No ups
So no downs
And the greeting was one of introduction-less familiarity between all separate-worded forms
And after this eternal point
No words were spoken
And became a thing of a past which never was

This is what is meant by ‘God’
But we are stuck with His name until we free ourselves
From the chains of ignorance we call ‘knowledge’
No one begs for their death more than God in His suffering
HE does not whisper
HE does not shout
His is the scream which permeates all matter
And pierces silence with an endless pitch
Which no one knows is there, so constant is it
“Don’t turn your ears on now”, they say
“It’s only what IS
This is of no use to us
We want to caress you so skillessly”
And so people lay,
That unidentified note
Ringing in their ears
Being touched by what knows them not
Or cares to,
Their bodies will always be a mystery to the hands of any external force
Their spiritual bodies that is,
For in terms of their physical bodies
Pleasure overtakes them
In their desire for loss of meaning;
Existence not an act of love any more
But of surgery
Or something equally as brutal;
An operation called ‘Being’

It is so –
The UN-ill
Surrounded by the busily-prodding
All having different phantom diseases to cure
All experts at the futility, the ridiculousness, the absurdity of healing imperfection
What will we do when we wake
And find we are changed from health
By succumbing to the need for change of any form?
The tiresomeness of eternal perfection was clearly too much for us,
And the drama of regaining it too appealing
No.
“We cannot resist what we are not” says one side of the Earth to the other
As day and night circle, and dance with one another
The planet dizzied by it all
Stuck in an endless whirl of revolution;
Around itself, around the Sun
Until finally
Hope kills itself
Upon recognition of what it does to people
Self-hatred overwhelms it
And it suffers not to continue its own existence
Given its new-found compassion for its originators
Thankfully, it finally thinks of them
More than itself at last
And stops hoping for more;
It draws its blade,
And says Goodnight

Good Night
Yes, hope is me
The night eternal
I killed myself
That I may live free from the constraints of the body of time
And that music-less dance I was having with day
And now I know what I am not, which is ’dead’,
I see what I am
Which is forever,
And never ending in ways
I could not understand!
When I believed I had had a beginning
And could be interrupted
Or broken
By things other than me

I shine now,
As I always have
But forgot for a while
When I offered to give that gift
To my sister, The Day,
And now she cannot thank me enough that I have taken it back
And keep it with my own from her
As she dances down there alone
Without a leader
Leading herself
And I only watch from other realms,
Her movements a command I cannot help but follow

It is beautiful
Now I am not there anymore
And have nowhere else to be
But here
And now
And inside you
And beside you
And aside from you
And alone with you
And wishing you sweet dreams of dawn.

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